i think i am bipolar

As a sign of life, we are blessed with heartbeats, water, air and ground. To still be able to listen to your heartbeat in the morning when your body becomes conscious is just amazing. But then again, there would be sometime where everything surrounds you collide, you literally see everything breaks down, shattered and smashed into the deepest darkest pit. Some of the things might not recover and be broken forever, but I always know something new is coming on the way.
Nasty thoughts have been haunting me these days, people see me as a very bright and vivid person, in fact, yes I am. On contrary, Michelle in writings is not that flashy and always happy, the writing soul inside me is sort of my persona, the melancholic Michelle.
 I can be sad, emotional, sensitive and unstable without having to worry too much through my writings. The thoughts I put into my writings are honest, I don’t lie and it is just me and my fingers co-operating with my brain.
No matter how ecstatic I look like in real life, sometimes the dark side takes over my happy side, that cruel and terrifying suicidal thoughts sometimes poke me, it’s like a virus, the poison that spreads into my mind. I know it is not healthy, and I think I need to find some help, just in case one day I’m drowned in my own non sense and unreasonable sorrows. I can’t even find the reason why I’m sad or being such a hypersensitive person, am I bipolar?
Actually, bipolar is a disease where you have harsh mood swings and you change characters due to depressions or any other causes.
Hopefully it’s not, but we will see. Here in Indonesia, people don’t really know what Bipolar is, although according to World Health Organisation, 1 IN 4 people actually experience Bipolar or change of characteristics at some stages of their life. I think mine did happen for a while now. But I’m not crazy, i’m not that fragile and i’m not a monster, i am normal.
I’m just different.
I’m weird but I kinda like it.
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