Jealousy they said, but I believe it is not, jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss or something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection.
What I feel know is more to dissatisfaction and disenchantment. Having your brothers back in town is the best thing over a year of my life, like seriously. But then again, there you feel it when your family smile and laugh more and care more, although the positive vibes are back, you still feel their distrust in you. They wouldn’t smile like they would to you, they wouldn’t talk to you the way the used to. And peeps, don’t be shocked if one day you find me not breathing on the bed or something, because that might be my limit. HAHAHA! Did I scare you much? but well, i know i’m not supposed to feel this way but here am I, thinking dozens of ways to perish from the world. simply because I can’t stand any longer being the odd one out.
Having eyes around me and doubts in me all the time made me think, why am I even alive? Isn’t it better if I were gone? This may seem like suicidal post, but don’t worry, i’m not killing myself. *i guess*