no picture, just me
this might be one of the most emotional posts ever. this might be the turning point when you, my readers, see me as someone vulnerable, weak and insecure. i have dealing with a lot of things lately, and although things might seem to pick up in some way and get back on the track, i don’t think i am, i don’t think i am fine and good.
I have been having these fake smiles and laughs. I would tell people I am okay although i’m going through a lot. Well, honestly, I think I am fine just the way I am, but my heart doesn’t sync. Frankly, if you want me to describe myself into a couple of words, I would say I am a selfish, ignorant, rude, inhumane and mean person. I do believe all the judgment comes from myself, it’s kinda ironic because, actually i HATE it when people surround me judge me and look at me like i’m the baddest girl in the world. But well, then again, in the end of the day when I am alone, on my bed, with my empty mind, I would just daydream. I would have all the crazy imaginations, I would wish for everything those I don’t have right now, and i would hope that I could turn back time and redo what I had done in the past.
Regrets always come late, yes I know.
One wise man said, “I don’t believe in karma but I do believe good things happen to good people”
Well, whoever you are, you kind of open my mind and heart. Living in a world like this might not be the easiest thing, whether you got all the wealth to buy anything you want, but I think I know, deep down there, in the end of the day, when you are with no one, you would feel lonely and hopeless. Like, money wouldn’t solve anything. You might sleep in the glory and golds, but your heart? remains frozen dear.
I’ll be amazingly naive if I say money wouldn’t give you happiness, cuz it is. It somehow helps you to get closer to happiness. I feel like a hideous person for saying this, but it is kind of true. This time around, I kinda realised how many hearts i’ve broken, how many empty hopes I’ve given and how manipulative I can be as a fox. Yes, baby I’m a fox. For you guys, just don’t trust me with all your heart, please don’t offer me all your soul and time as I would just break and left them shattered for awhile til I come back and help you to put all the pieces together. But then again, in the end you would see the flaws, the scars.
Trust is just like glass, once it’s shattered, you may have all the pieces back together but you would still see and feel the cracks, they would not be the same as it was before.
Anyways, if you are my loyal readers you might know that my writings are random and sometimes just doesn’t make sense, I’m a fighter, I can survive alone, as lonely as I get these days, I’m pretty grateful for what I can achieve, for the people who actually stick around, smile and be happy for me, because that is actually what I need right now,
Very sorry for this random and impulsive article, I am actually not posting any picture, but then if you ared finished reading, let me know and I’ll get you a kiss!
P.S: I conducted a one sided feeling relationship right now. if you know who you are, would you ever telll me if you would like to go on a date with me? don’t think about the future, it’ll be just a date.