I close my eyes and stare into the dark. Staring into that immeasurable darkness that stretches far beyond my closed eyelids. Though I lie still on the ground, I feel perched at the highest point I could possibly be; clutching at a star in the night sky with my legs dangling above cold black nothingness. I take one last look at my fingers wrapped around the light and let go. Down I go, falling, then floating, and falling again, I wait for the touch down of my life.
For me, my so called alpha is the darkness, irony, it is. Our relationship is like me falling down from the highest peak of the universe, i fall then float then fall again without knowing when it will end. Alpha is like the darkness, something I would never see through and understand, something very perplexed and scary, yet I need it so I recognise what light is.
Our relationship wasn’t always like this, the first wave was when Alpha was out of control and once called me bitch. Then I could not remember clearly, but I think the next big wave was when I was 15, when I was at peak of my puberty and had my first boyfriend, Alpha ruined it. So we fought a lot, and uncountable waves keep on coming until now.
I don’t get Alpha’s way of thinking, nor the action, I tried to be nice but then, negativity is all I get in return. Alpha complains about anything, it is like I am the unwanted child, like I’m not supposed to be born. I feel the hatred towards me through Alpha’s glare and tone. I made a lot of mistakes, I did, but then I am now starting not to regret what I have done wrong, for how Alpha treated me, my mind deserves a break.
I wanna feel the warmth any other brags about Alpha,
I wanna listen to encouragement, not disheartens.
I want to have your sympathy, not distress.
I want to be understood, not misconceived.
I want you to be my light, not stranger.
TALENTED Photographer : Christine Adel