odium

I close my eyes and stare into the dark. Staring into that immeasurable darkness that stretches far beyond my closed eyelids. Though I lie still on the ground, I feel perched at the highest point I could possibly be; clutching at a star in the night sky with my legs dangling above cold black nothingness. I take one last look at my fingers wrapped around the light and let go. Down I go, falling, then floating, and falling again, I wait for the touch down of my life.

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For me, my so called alpha is the darkness, irony, it is. Our relationship is like me falling down from the highest peak of the universe, i fall then float then fall again without knowing when it will end. Alpha is like the darkness, something I would never see through and understand, something very perplexed and scary, yet I need it so I recognise what light is.

Our relationship wasn’t always like this, the first wave was when Alpha was out of control and once called me bitch. Then I could not remember clearly, but I think the next big wave was when I was 15, when I was at peak of my puberty and had my first boyfriend, Alpha ruined it. So we fought a lot, and uncountable waves keep on coming until now.

I don’t get Alpha’s way of thinking, nor the action, I tried to be nice but then, negativity is all I get in return. Alpha complains about anything, it is like I am the unwanted child, like I’m not supposed to be born. I feel the hatred towards me through Alpha’s glare and tone. I made a lot of mistakes, I did, but then I am now starting not to regret what I have done wrong, for how Alpha treated me, my mind deserves a break. cloud-1

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I wanna feel the warmth any other brags about Alpha,

I wanna listen to encouragement, not disheartens.

I want to have your sympathy, not distress.

I want to be understood, not misconceived.

I want you to be my light, not stranger.

thanks flower2-1 tattoo-1 behind-1

TALENTED Photographer : Christine Adel

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